This lesson on shame and guilt is just what I needed! Thank you! When you realize that no one loves you except Jesus, you can start to focus more on Him. It's hard when family and friends try to shame you and guilt you into your past as if they have something over you. But with Jesus it is like the song says. "Leave your shame at the door because it's not welcome anymore." It's time to give all to him and move forward with his loving embrace. Thank you, Lord, for your mercy.

Pastor Bill Information Note: I'm going to start with the last paragraph of Juan's letter:

"I love this ministry. I've seen a lot of bad things in my life, but it's not too late to see good things. And this ministry has opened my eyes to all the

good and the ways to obtain more good in my life. Thank you for all you do, patience, and faith, JUAN

Juan was in solitary confinement when somebody slid him one of our newsletters hidden in a newspaper under his cell door. It struck his heart, and he gave his life to the Lord.

Here's the entirety of Juan's letter:

Dear Pastor Bill and Mrs. Nancy,

First, let me apologize deeply if my responses have not been coming as they should have. The ministry and the Lord are still embedded deeply within my heart.

Since I've been on CM3 (a level of solitary confinement), I've been running around all day, every day. It's a lot of work, but the days were flying by, and I couldn't tell one from the other. Before I knew it, two months had passed.

Recently, I was told I couldn't do that job anymore due to my gang status. Before this, it was a CM camp, and I had been here for five years. These officers knew me well and the chaos I inflicted, so I understand the reluctance to have me on the floor.

So, back to the cell, I went. And then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I realized how much I missed delving deep into the Word. The only thing I miss about being in a single-man cell in isolation is how close I became with God. How much I long for Jesus and how close I feel to Him when He's the only one to talk to, and you are open up to Him with no shame; it's an amazing feeling.

Right now, I've got five months left in CM and they put one of my SUR 13 brothers in here with me. To say it's a struggle is an understatement. He's fairly new to the gang and gung-ho about it. I'm just not connected on that level anymore. It's not who I want to be anymore. They think it's a sign of weakness, but it's one of the hardest things I've ever done. Sometimes, I feel like I'm betraying them, but then I realize how long I betrayed God by not living the life He intended for me.

I'm not just talking physically. I'm talking spiritually. You could be in any situation and still find a way to walk with Jesus.

Now, I need to square this last dilemma I been facing. I grew up Catholic. I have been kicked in and out of Catholic schools and Catholic churches all of my youth. Now, I don't want to offend anyone, and I'm speaking on a personal level. And since my family has always revolved around Catholicism, I feel I have the right to this opinion.

There are many things in the Catholic religion that have brought me comfort throughout my life. But I was always made to feel like I had to earn God's love and that the fires of hell were my reward for any sort of slip-up.

Man, was I filled with so many fears and guilt and shame that I never learned how to enjoy the love of Christ and to bask in the feeling of the Holy Spirit. God has so many wonderful things to offer us. All we have to do is accept them and accept Him. That's why when I get off this CM, I want to be baptized anew in the Christian faith. I want to receive our Father's love, not because I was scared into it. But because He offered it and I accepted it.

I love this ministry. I've seen a lot of bad things in my life, but it's not too late to see the good. And this ministry has opened my eyes to all the good and ways to obtain more good in my life. Thank you for all you do.

Juan